absolutgcs.org

so i haven’t posted in a long time. a REALLY long time. and now that i’m back at it, i’m writing about socially acceptable violence. what? why?

well, violence has been on my mind lately. not my desire to be violent, but just thoughts about violence in general. i read this post over at sepiamutiny about one of the bloggers there and her horrific experience. that’s violence, horrible, terrible violence.

then while i was at cnn.com, i saw this article on domestic abuse victims who are men. yes, MEN. i remember when i first heard about this happening when kelsey grammer (of cheers and frasier fame) got out of an ugly marriage in which he was the victim of domestic abuse. i had a hard time believing it. after all, most husbands are bigger and stronger than their wives. couldn’t they defend themselves and prevent something from happenning to them?

well, it’s not that simple. there’s a reference in the article to what i suspected earlier. if you defend yourself and the police get involved, the attacking woman can just claim that you went after her and she was defending herself. and really, what police officer is going to believe the man in this situation? conventional wisdom tells us men beat women, not vice versa. but what really irked me about all of this is the reference in the article to women throwing things.

so cases of domestic abuse initiated by men are significantly down. this is a good thing. reported cases of abuse instigated by women are increasing (not to say that actual cases are increasing, but it is becoming more socially acceptable for men to say they are getting abused by their female significant other). there are regular reminders through so many areas of society that it is not okay for men to hit women. yet, it seems like women acting violently is not discouraged, and in fact it is acceptable.

think about the typical fight that occurs in movies. when a female character discovers something very upsetting, what does she do? pick up something and throw it. this is violence. i don’t think this is acceptable. it wouldn’t be acceptable for a man to do something like this either. i remember back when andre rison had his house burned down by lisa “left eye” lopes. lots of people were applauding her move because rison was cheating on her. sure, he’s a bastard for doing what he did, but let’s say the tables were turned and she cheated on him. would it be okay for him to be violent toward her or her things? hell no.

anyway, i guess i’m just annoyed at the double standards. there was a thread on one of the boards i was reading about whether a guy would hit back a girl that hit him. and lots of guys on the board were like, no, i’d never hit a girl. some guys said, hey turnabout’s fairplay. i guess for me, i would just restrain someone from hitting me, even if that restraint hurt them. but when can we get past vilifying certain behaviors in men while condoning it in women? it’s bs.